I don’t know much about ‘locker-room banter’. I wasn’t a high school athlete, and at the gyms I’ve gone to as an adult (Golds, 24-Hour Fitness), guys pretty much keep to themselves, while trying to orient their bodies to conceal their junk (‘weenies’, if you prefer). I think we were all grateful when gyms started installing flat-screen televisions in locker rooms – WAY up high in locker rooms, to give us somewhere to divert our attention, and maybe a topic to bring up, if there is a need to break the awkward silence. Bottom line … I think guys are about as comfortable in locker rooms as we are in elevators – less so, because we’re naked. There isn’t much chatter, other than comments about whatever’s on ESPN. And NOBODY talks about sex. Believe me (Okay, I know that this term now means ‘I’m lying’, but in this case, it really is true)
The one place I go where pretty much anything goes in terms of banter is the Hooty – The Boys camping trip each summer. There’s a good reason we don’t invite women or kids; it’s where we blow off steam, drink too much (with car keys safely set aside), howl at the moon, and say some pretty crude stuff. After a morning visit to the Bucks outhouse, you might be asked about the experience, how bad it smelled, and how much you might have just contributed to the problem. We can get pretty gross, but it’s one weekend a year.
It would be a violation for me to reveal much of what’s said, but it gets pretty crude. Here’s what’s never said. Nobody brags about molesting women. Certainly nobody would brag about the liberties they take with women because they are entitled by wealth, fame, or just because they’re creepy enough to do it. A person who did this might escape getting the shit kicked out of him, but either he would have to go over to the other fire, or if he stayed, he’d find himself alone as the rest of us migrated. And he’d damn sure never be invited back. On our one weekend a year, we’re crude and uninhibited – but even then, we’re not loathsome.
